help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
