If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
