She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
