i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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