I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
