I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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