everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
