thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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