I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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