I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
