last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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