So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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