Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
