Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
