You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
