How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
