i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
