she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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