You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
