As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
