He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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