They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sobbing to NWA
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
