Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I smell stomach acid.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
