I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
