They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
