Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
