God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
