If that was your dad, he is hot
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
