chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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