An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
