my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
