The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
