My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
