So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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