you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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