I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
