who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
