Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
