Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
