Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
