And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
