What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
