Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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