grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
