the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
