i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
