like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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