I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
