You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
