New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Life is so much better after having sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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