8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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